butterflykiss

Hi everyone!

 I know I don’t come on here alot, and Im not going to bother with an excuse, but I do follow a lot of ur posts even tho I don’t sign on.  I would like ur serious opinion on something.  I know I can turn to you guys on anything weightloss related, so I was hoping you can give ur opinions on a weightloss product.  I don’t think its a diet pill persay, but I really want your opinions.  I am not taking it, and it really isn’t my style to take diet pills, so if you think this is a diet pill type thing please let me know.   LOL. does that even make sense?  So take a look at the below link and let me know what you think.  Its called BE-HOT by GNC WellBEing

http://www.gnc.com/shop/index.jsp?categoryId=3601764&ab=CMS:HP:Banner:Cpanel1-2:110309:WBSHOP#/Fitness_Nutrition

Part 1: Feelings-

Firstly, my weight went up.  Excellent.  (Sarcasm).  I am so frustrated.  I feel like I don’t have time to exercise, and I always feel completely exhausted.  My job is kind of stressful right now - my department is moving to a new building and there is a lot of change happening during one of our busiest seasons.  My boyfriend’s uncle has been having a whole bunch of problems with booze and pills, so he is moving back into my boyfriend’s house (again - excellent).  I don’t like his uncle - he is loud, obnoxious, and has no filter.  He says exacly what is on his mind.  But if you say something back to him he will get upset and be offended and not talk to you for like a month.  I think the biggest problem right now though is the fact that I feel like I am not good enough for my boyfriend.  We are not romantic at all (of course we are WELL over the honey moon period) but we hardly ever kiss anymore even!  I know it’s because I feel insecure.  I used to have terrible acne and I just finished Accutane.  Accutane cleared my face up completely, but now I feel huge.  I don’t like being naked, and I hate when my boyfriend’s hand touches my tummy and he feels a roll.  My boyfriend is the best and I love him.  I know he supports me and thinks I am beautiful but I don’t think I am beautiful.

Part 2: Questions-

1) For all you seasoned dieters who have lost weight - I am very confused.  “Experts say you should eat every 2 - 3 hours” and ”Experts say that you should only eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner because snacks can lead you to binge” - which is right?  Please help me out with this

 2) Exercise fanatics - I have  a busy schedule.  I am at my office by 6:45 and I am NOT a morning person - just ask my co-workers!  By the time I get home in the afternoon (around 4) I make my boyfriends lunch if he is working the next day, watch my TV shows, and then sleep.  I can’t treadmill while watching TV because I can’t hear the TV.  Any suggestions for people like me to help encourage me to make time in my scedule to work out?

 3) How do you cure the 1-4pm munchies?  That time in the afternoon kills me.  I am getting tired by that point, plus I am more bored in the afternoon and all I want to do is munch.

4) How do I convince myself that my boyfriend doesn’t think I am fat?  We are both loosing out on building our relationship because of my own insecurities.   

As some of you may know, I don’t have a computer at home, and with a demanding boss and a very nosey co-worker, I don’t get much time to surf the net.  I feel so sad for not commenting on some of your blogs or responding back to you when you make the effort to read or comment on my blog.  So for that I am really sorry.  Thanks for putting up with me

So as the title of my blog says, I had a lightbulb moment.  I think I actually saw the light go on over my head.  It was right after I packed down a peice of cake and then licked all the icing off the top of a cupcake.  I can be a compulsive person.  When I am shopping, I don’t look at price tags, I don’t think about how it will effect me (ie no money for the rest of the week), and I certanly don’t think about whether I have 2 or 3  or 9 of a relatively simular item at home.  I am addicted to shopping for Guess jeans, TNA sweaters, moisturizer, facial cleanser, hairspray, and nail polish (YIKES!).  I just keep buying those things. 

LOL.  I bet you were wondering what the point of the above was.  The worst thing is that I am a compulsive eater!!!! I just eat.  I don’t think about whether I will stop at one, I don’t think about the calories…I just eat.  This is bad - very very bad!  I hafta learn to control that.  If you have any suggestions, please tell me….I really want help fixing this!

On a side note, my boyfriend and I came up with a goal. We are planning our trip to Curacao for two weeks.  We are looking at going at the end of January, beginning of February.  I don’t want to look like a washed up whale flopping around on the beach.  So we decided to make my goal to loose 1 pound a week until the vacation.  I know it seems like a lot and i certainly do not expect to loose every week, but some weeks I might loose a little more.  So cross your fingers with me, and hopefully I will get closer to my goal weight by the time we leave! 

Thanks, for taking the time to read this!

Have a great weight loss day everyone!

I am embarrased to even show my face on here.  I didn’t want to log on.  I have just occaisonally been looking at the site sadly, and then closing it before I can get to depressed.  I have been reading a few blogs, but then i feel sad, because I am not doing nearly as well as the rest of you.  But now i realize failure is all part of the journey, and I just hafta try again.  So I am sorry for to everyone on here for once again not trying and just giving up, and I am sorry to myself, for not taking care of me.

 I could come on here with a thousand reasons why I gave up, but I know the real reason - I just didn’t care, and I was to lazy to make the effort.  I want to be one of those health food people…I want to say no to ice cream and yes to frozen yogurt.  I want to say no to cake and yes to fruit.  I wanna say less beef and more salad please.  I have so much motivation.  I spent a week up at the cottage where I was the biggest person there.  I know it sounds silly, but I want to have a body like Kristen Stewart or Leighton Meister or Blake Lively or Kelly Kelly (from WWE).  I am motivated.  I am stealing someone elses idea and making an inspiration board with all those hott girls on it and I am going to use that as motivation. 

Keep up the great work girls and guys!! :) 

-Kelly*

PS. I hope you all had a great Canada Day and Independence Day! (for those who celebrated)

Good morning buddies!!!! I am so sorry for not comming on.  I was totally embarrassed because I did a terrible job with eating and working out, and I didnt want to come on and admit my failures. 

A couple things have happened lately.  L lost his job and  might hafta move back in (great! ) My BFs sister-in-law has been fighting off and on with my BFs parents since she and my BFs bro got married 2 years ago, and because “im the only one she likes” (according to my BFs family) I have been mediating all these battles between them.  Yuck!! The latest one is that my BFs family STILL does not have the wedding pics (even tho they paid for half the wedding - $10,000 :O) and all she hasta do is go and pick out which pictures she wants in their album.  She doesnt even work, but she still hasnt been bothered to get this done.

LOL. whatever.  I just want to thank everyone that wrote on my last blog.  It is a very sad situation, but it is a relief to know that I am not the only one.

 This weekend is going to be a hard one.  I am going to a pig roast (lol I have never been to one before..should be interesting) on Saturday for my cousins daughters first birthday! and that means beer, cake, and pig…?

Anyways thanks for all the support.  It really means alot to me!  Have a great day everyone!

Hi everyone - once again, this is not really weightloss related.  I have plenty of issues in my life that all add up tp me gaining weight, and this is one that weighs heavy on me (LOL, I wasn’t even trying to make that little pun)

I am extremely close to my boyfriend’s family.  I love my own family alot, but I spend alot of time at my boyfriends house.  A while back, I met my boyfriend’s uncle (I will call him L) when we first started dating.  L lived with my boyfriends family.  Then, I never saw L again.  I asked my boyfriend where he was, and the whole truth came pouring out…L was a drug addict and an alcoholic.  He had moved out because my boyfriends (I’ll call him BF from own cause Im to lazy to type the whole word) mom kept searching his room and finding little bottles of vodka in his stuff.  He was also comming home high and acting crazy.  (First, he is not a mean drunk, but he can get violent if you confront him about the fact that he is drunk, and secound, when he is high he yells and talks in circles and gets right in your face if you dont understand him or contradict him).  So he moves out.  Then my BFs mom gets a call…L robbed a small store, and wants to turn himself in.  So they take him to the pollice station.  He is tried and goes to jail.

Fast forward to last year in about February.  He is out on probation under my BFs family care, he has moved back in, dried out, and gets a job doing seasonal work.  Everything is fine.  Then, last year in August before the long weekend, he comes home and passes out in the kitchen.  He was oviously drunk, but we offered to call an ambulance for him.  He yells no, and runs downstairs to his room.  He falls, bashes his head, and passes out again.  We call an ambulance, cause now we just need him out of the house.  Ambulance comes as he is waking up again, and he starts screaming at us, throwing a fit, and he needed to be restrained, and he was taken to the hospital. 

All this has cause my BFs mom soooo much heartache and pain.  We decide to continue with our plans to go to the cottage.  We don’t see L again until Thanksgiving.  He moved out again while we were up north.

Now before I continue, please understand that I am not a mean bitch.  We have given up alot for him.  When he is around there is NO drinks at all.  None.  I dont LOVE to drink but when we are up north it is nice to have a beer and lie on the dock.  We do not have any parties because we can’t not invite him.  We dont have any tylonal, advil, nyquil, mouthwash, etc, in the house or the cottage (his drug of choice is painkillers)

So back to my story.  He comes back on Thanksgiving, apologizes, says he is clean, and he is going to rehab.  Meanwhile there has been alot of drama.  His boss even showed up at my BFs house and asked if L’s mom died cause he said she was dead and he needed time off work.  She is not dead.  My BF told Ls boss the whole story.  The boss offered to pay to send him to rehab, let him keep working next season, and give him a layoff so he could be making unemployment.  That again caused my BFs family so much emotional stress.  At Christmas, we could tell he was high again.  My BFs mom said that if you are high, dont bother coming to my house for Christmas.  He sobered up and came.  (Again more pain in my BFs family)

Next situation…more recent…now a couple months ago he comes in high again.  My BFs mom screams at him….DO NOT COME HERE WHEN YOU ARE HIGH! he leaves, and doesnt talk again to him for about 3 months.  He is back again.  He calls and says he is coming for dinner.  She makes him a huge dinner every night, but he never comes.

Now to last week.  He says he is going up to the cottage (His mom lives there year round) but he lost his keys.  We had to drive 2 hours to give him his keys, and he never went up north.  He is high again all the time.  My BFs mom is about to have a breakdown.  She is the only one who deals with this.  She buys him grocerys, makes him diner, gives him gas money, pays his gym membership, sends him to rehab, goes to AA with him.  She is so hurt and upset and at a loss. This is ruining his whole family. 

I am not an addict.  I know it is a disease. He cant control it. But I hate him for how badly he is ruined everything.  I feel so guilty for hating him. I don’t know how to deal with this anymore.  I know it is not my family, but it really feels like it is cause we are so close. 

I just wanted to get this out there.  Advice? Anyone in a similar situation? Help?

I need to vent!!!!  This woman beside me is driving me to eat!!!!!!!  She drives me nuts!!! She does nothing all day (not that im a great employee..im on here instead of working..) but she litterally does NOTHING.  The bitch comes in late, and makes her tea and eats breakfast, then she turns on her computer. She goes to Tim Hortons around 10, then for lunch around 12:30 (which is exacly when I take my lunch).  She comes back late, then buys things on kajiji and the bullitin board.  She calls her “hubby” (not husband, not boyfriend, but the guy she lives with..) she calls her son, she searches flights, jobs, etc.  she calls her gas company, her water company, and her telephone company, she calls her tennant…FUCK.   I cant stand her.  She is loud and obnoxious, she yells when Im on the phone. she yells from one office to the other.  I cant close my door cause she litterally sits beside me.  Like our desks are in the reception area of our department cause there is just two of us and then two supervisors.  She dresses like a hooker, even tho we work in construction and trades and there is about 50 guys that tramp thru our office everyday. (Im like sweater-check, cleavage-nope, loose pants that dont show my butt-yup, hair up-yup before I leave in the morning cause these guys can be kinda perverted. - NOT saying all construction workers are, its just we hire a bunch of guys from far away so they are sitting in their hotel rooms when they are not working, and they get lonely..)  So far today, she has pissed me off big time.  We have a special drive on our computers that we all share.  That way, we all have access to the really important files if one of us is off, we can cover for each other.  But she insists that she save EVERYTHING to her desktop. Like right on the desktop.  So when she is not making all those above mentioned phone calls, she is calling I.T because her computer is so slow.  When she saves on her desktop we cant get into what she calls “her” files.  Which is fuckin frustrating becase we NEED to use those files to get our job done too.  I wish she would go back to Newfoundland and lobster fish like the rest of her family instead of calling them from her mother fucking desk!!!!!!!!!!

Now I am so sorry.  Please forgive me.  But I actually feel better so I guess it worked.  Thank you guys for reading about my terrible day.  Im sorry for rambling. 

Good luck with eating and excersize today everyone!

I’m at work.. we are soo busy.  I will come back on my lunch break to comment on posts.  Embarrased to weigh in this week..up 5 pounds.  Love you all!!

Hi everyone!  I just want to thank each and every one of you for reading my blog, sending sweet booster notes, and just being super nice and supportive people.  It’s nice to know I have somewhere to turn!! (huggs for everyone)

On a bright note, I went jogging last night.  I updated my IPod, and just ran.  It felt AMAZING.  I never ever thought I would be the one saying that.  It had just rained, and the air smelled like wet grass, lilacs and flowers. I loved it.  (LOL i am so weird!) I think the best best best running song is “Ragdoll” by Aerosmith.  OMG it keeps me moving.  Try it out

Before I went jogging though, I went and saw X-Men Wolverine.  Wow!!!! I have seen all the other X-Men movies, and I have always thought Hugh Jackman was hot…But DAMN he looks sooooooo hot in the new one.  I think I’m in loveeeeeee!!!! haha

 (I’d do him)

LMAO just something to drool over to make your Friday speed by that much faster

Have a great weekend buddies

Well everyone, I am such a terrible buddy!  I don’t have a computer at home, so I can only come on at work.  I generally cannot get away with logging on too often, and I wish I could log on more.  I will try my best over the summer to log on more, cause after reading some of the blogs, I realized I am the shittiest buddy.

I wanted to let you all know about an amazing salad dressing!! It’s called Renees Wellness Vinigrette, and it comes in a few different flavours, but I like Pomegranite Blueberry Acai the best.  It has only 5 calories, and i pour it over some spinach, blueberries, and strawberrys, and make myself a super yummy salad that tastes like desert!!!

I think I’ve done terrible lately…I’ve gained 3.5 pounds, but I need some advice….

I work from 7 am to 3:30 pm and at least 2wice a week, i volunteer at a retirement home in the kitchen from 4:30 to 7:30 pm.  I am so tired all the time, and I never can get up the ambition to work out.  Any advice or help you can give me would be great.

Lastly, I am 100% jealous of my sister in law.  It’s not fair!!!! She weighs 106 pounds (up from 94 cause now she wants to have a baby)  and her entire diet consists of Zoodles (if u don’t know what those are, they are like spaghetti in can, but in the shape of zoo animals — yesss she is 29 years old) chips n dip, cheesies, plain bagels covered in about a pound of cheddar cheese, and lasagna.  It’s not fair! Why do I have to struggle, not eat treats, etc.  She doesn’t even excersize. “the only way im running, is if there is a pizza at the end” - her words, not mine!  Yuck!

Any help, or even comments on my issues would be appreciated!  Thnxx everyone!!

Kelly.